Healing From Internalized Abortion Stigma: 3 Simple Strategies to Get You Started
Since deciding to relaunch the blog, I’ve been thinking a lot about my inaugural post. There is no shortage of topics to cover as we trudge into the busy back-to-school season. As a therapist, I strive to bring my authentic self into sessions with my clients, helping them connect with their full selves, together leaning into topics that can feel uncomfortable and hard to hold. I wanted to start our blog off in the same way, leaning into a topic that has been very much on my mind, that touches the lives of so many of the clients I work with. And yes, I know this topic can make people uncomfortable. Leaning into and disrupting this discomfort is exactly why I’m starting with writing about abortion.
Why I Use the Word Abortion
What’s more, it’s exactly why I say the word abortion, not choice, not termination, but abortion. Here’s why. Our shame and discomfort with using the word abortion, and our fear of making people uncomfortable, it’s deeply rooted in internalized abortion stigma. I could talk about internalized abortion stigma all day, (I did write a whole book chapter on it), but the TLDR is this, internalized abortion stigma refers to how an individual ingests structural or enacted stigma and applies it to their self-concept. Research has found that internalized abortion stigma is associated with feelings of shame, secrecy, and guilt, as well as psychological and physical distress.
The Impact of Abortion Stigma
As a psychologist specializing in perinatal and reproductive mental health, I’ve supported hundreds of women who have had abortions. Sometimes these women come to therapy to work through the decision about whether to terminate a pregnancy. Sometimes they come to work on their feelings following an abortion. Often, their history of abortion is not a part of the therapy at all. Their reasons for terminating a pregnancy are as varied as their emotional reactions but the the one consistent thread is internalized abortion stigma. Whether it shows up as fear of others finding out about their abortion, feelings of shame, and/or guilt, a lack of knowledge and understanding about abortions, the use of shaming language that is normalized in our political discourse, or the burden of holding a secret, internalized stigma is always part of the story.
My Top Three Strategies to Combat Internalized Abortion Stigma
So I say the word abortion so I don’t contribute to that stigma. I am outspoken and unabashed about my support for abortion rights so my patients know I am safe to share with. I proudly identify as a pro-choice provider. I help my patients heal from abortion stigma so they can integrate their abortion experience into their lives in a healthy way. While everyone’s story is different, I encourage everyone to unpack the stigma from their abortion story and see what changes. My top three strategies to heal from abortion stigma are below. I hope you find them helpful and look forward to hearing from readers about what has helped you heal.
Point the finger at the real bad guys (hint: it's not you):
I encouraged my patients to name the systems and structures that contribute to abortion stigma (eg. misinformation, misogyny, patriarchy) and shape our national dialogue about abortion. They don’t reflect our lived experience and you don’t have to accept their narrative.
Get educated about abortion.
I find that the more people learn accurate information about who has abortions, and why people choose abortions, the more seen and reflected they feel in their choice to terminate. Here’s a great place to start.
Read abortion stories.
I love organizations like Shout Your Abortion, which encourages women to share their abortion stories to normalize the experience and give voice to the infinite number of reasons for and reactions to terminating a pregnancy.
These strategies are simple and remarkably effective first steps to untangle yourself from abortion stigma. They can be challenging to integrate and it’s ok if you find yourself confused, scared, or uncertain as you make your way through. It's hard work but I promise you it's worth it. The view is so much better from the other side.