Five Ways to Embrace Being Good Enough and Banish Mom Guilt
In a recent post, I talked about the Supermom Myth and how it does moms more harm than good. Recognizing that moms cannot do it all and should not be expected to is a vital part of changing the narrative around modern motherhood. And, just like any cultural expectation, it can also be hard to let go of trying to be a Supermom, especially given how powerful the messaging around this can be. Read on for 5 ways that you can work to push back against the Supermom myth and refocus your attention on what really matters to you as a parent.
1. Pay attention to the media you are consuming
Do you walk away from social media, TV shows, or movies feeling worse about yourself as a parent? How might the shows, people, and pages you’re following fan the flames of these beliefs? Even if you followed with good intentions, perhaps that parenting page, influencer, coach, friend, or even therapist is not helping you tune into your internal sense of what works for you and your family. If it isn’t helping you, it’s OK to unfollow, block, or ignore.
2. Determine what is important to you as a person and a parent
When everything is important, then nothing is. The myth of the supermom promotes the idea that we have an endless amount of time, energy, and resources to address problems from the mammoth to the minute. Especially in our ever-connected world, we are constantly being told about the myriad things we are supposed to worry about and care about. But we cannot possibly attend to everything. So how do you set your priorities? What are the values you want to make sure you are bringing into your life and your parenting? If you’re struggling to answer that question, start with a values assessment like this one.
3. Think about how you are incorporating your values in your parenting
When you have a clear idea of what is important to you, it makes it easier to allow that to guide decision-making and to let go of things that are not as important. Once you’ve identified your values, think about whether or not they are taking precedence in your decision-making and your home.
4. Recognize that we live in a culture that promotes mom guilt
There are whole industries built on mom guilt. Zillions of books, blogs, supplements, journals, organizers, meal services, and more all promise us the opportunity to be a more perfect mom. This is something I hope to expand on a lot in another post, but even starting with acknowledging how our patriarchal, white-supremacist-oriented culture focuses on keeping moms overworked and undersupported can help us to see how this narrative has been foisted upon us and to push back.
5. Use self-compassion to cope with outsized, unrealistic cultural expectations
When you notice the specter of mom guilt looming large in your mind, instead of leaning into it or getting frustrated with yourself for experiencing it, try to be compassionate towards yourself. Try to remind yourself that this is a difficult, but common, experience and that you’re not alone in feeling this way. I love using Dr. Kristin Neff’s Self-Compassion Break in these moments to help myself connect to the feeling and figure out what I need to self-soothe.
If you’re interested in finding a space to talk more about mom guilt, connect with other moms, and work on strategies for connecting with yourself and your values as a parent and a person, I invite you to join our virtual group Mom Guilt is Bulls**t, which will run for six weeks on Thursday evenings starting in October. You can learn more here or by emailing Dr. Jillian Neill at jillian.neill@dremmabasch.com.